Hopefully...
I plan on staying up until all hours of the night doing homework. Of course I haven't started it yet, I have to blog about it first, get my creative juices flowing, gushing even! It may seem gross but I just registered for ENG102 which is Introduction to Literature and I don't feel like removing it for another semester of ENG101. This will be the THIRD time taking the class. I wanna pass, that's all I care about at this point. It's a bit ridiculous that I haven't passed it with gaylicious colors the first time. I mean this really insults me.
English WAS my forte.
And now I'm struggling to pass a 101 course in it. Really now, was high school thaat deceiving? I've accepted the fact that it was just a place to hold growing humans until their minds reach a capacity where it can sustain itself without hand-holding guidance. Although society now has made the Grown-man/woman label a bit of a joke.
Anywhoo
I really should start writing this paper and stop procrastinating so I can pass this f-ing class come thursday.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Email to another Professor
Via blackberry.
While I'm listening to Pretty.Odd. by Panic! at the Disco. Once again some higher power has granted me yet another chance to succed. Or at least get by... My fault of course. There are some decisions in my life that I've always seemed to struggle with. The choice between work and play. I know that everyone struggles with this from time to time, but sometimes I feel like if I choose work that I'm only hurting myself. Not only in ways of social detriment and exclusion ( which might I add always is an outcome when I choose work). But I feel like many times, there is no point for work for me. Like no matter how hard I'm working, how "on top of things" i am, it won't make a difference for my future.
I think it's the way I was raised.
My mother seemed to work hard. And, it was like the harder she worked, the worse things became. The worse our relationship with her was, the worse her relationships with other people seemed to be. Then in the end it only ended in her losing a job, dropping out of school. The list goes on. I fear turning into my mother. Only because I fear the horrible things that happen to good people. So in a way i feel like lately, I've been trying to not appear like a good person. And you know what happens to people who are never without their masks... I've started to become a horrible person.
And I am almost proud of myself.
I take advantage of people, I lie, I cheat my way out of situations. My memory is amazing. I've only come out on top because of this... So when it comes between truly working towards something, I get afraid. Because I can't use my mask, only my hands.
My hands are weak.
While I'm listening to Pretty.Odd. by Panic! at the Disco. Once again some higher power has granted me yet another chance to succed. Or at least get by... My fault of course. There are some decisions in my life that I've always seemed to struggle with. The choice between work and play. I know that everyone struggles with this from time to time, but sometimes I feel like if I choose work that I'm only hurting myself. Not only in ways of social detriment and exclusion ( which might I add always is an outcome when I choose work). But I feel like many times, there is no point for work for me. Like no matter how hard I'm working, how "on top of things" i am, it won't make a difference for my future.
I think it's the way I was raised.
My mother seemed to work hard. And, it was like the harder she worked, the worse things became. The worse our relationship with her was, the worse her relationships with other people seemed to be. Then in the end it only ended in her losing a job, dropping out of school. The list goes on. I fear turning into my mother. Only because I fear the horrible things that happen to good people. So in a way i feel like lately, I've been trying to not appear like a good person. And you know what happens to people who are never without their masks... I've started to become a horrible person.
And I am almost proud of myself.
I take advantage of people, I lie, I cheat my way out of situations. My memory is amazing. I've only come out on top because of this... So when it comes between truly working towards something, I get afraid. Because I can't use my mask, only my hands.
My hands are weak.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
This rollercoaster...
Has really got to end.
It's unhealthy to be this unproductive. I tell you, this week alone I've missed three classes, two days of work and I've done absolutely noo hw. I made goals for myself this week and completely blew them all off. Things like... well writing two 5-page essays, my math class assignment or studying for my final in human communications. My god, what am I becoming?
I feel like I'm doing it on purpose.
Like I want to get shoved out of all the positive things in my life.
It's unhealthy to be this unproductive. I tell you, this week alone I've missed three classes, two days of work and I've done absolutely noo hw. I made goals for myself this week and completely blew them all off. Things like... well writing two 5-page essays, my math class assignment or studying for my final in human communications. My god, what am I becoming?
I feel like I'm doing it on purpose.
Like I want to get shoved out of all the positive things in my life.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Getting over the sickness
Finally
It's been two weeks of pure coughing and gagging. Two weeks of medicine. Two weeks of ill performance in everything I do. I do think that if it weren't for working nearly everyday, waiting outside in the cold everyday for a ride, and losing sleep every night over daily nonsense... I would probably have gotten better a lot sooer. Unfortunately, the most positive outcome is never the case.
And this keyboard is driving me crazy.
My enter button fell off, my spacebar and my n key seem to always be stuck. I never realized how often you actually use the n button. I mean in this whole entry I've used it a total of 36 times. Now for anyone who feels as if it isn't used that often, consider every time I press the n button I have to do it twice because the first try always fails for some reason. Make it 72 times. Thats insane! Ok, I feel like I'm a capable typer, but lately it's been taking me foreverr to type a paragraph due to the fact that this stupid spacebar is stuck as well. And I type fast so if I miss a space inbetween words I keep going, typing another four or five words before I can notice the mistake. Now I think just deleting what I had wrote is actually faster for me than going back, correcting the missing space, and returning to my writing.
Now I don't know how to send my laptop over to Dell without crumbling under the insanity of having no computer for god know's how long. Maybe 2-3 weeks?
I'm in a load of yogurt.
Well getting back to something perhaps more interesting...
I'm missing class right now...
Uh oh.
It's been two weeks of pure coughing and gagging. Two weeks of medicine. Two weeks of ill performance in everything I do. I do think that if it weren't for working nearly everyday, waiting outside in the cold everyday for a ride, and losing sleep every night over daily nonsense... I would probably have gotten better a lot sooer. Unfortunately, the most positive outcome is never the case.
And this keyboard is driving me crazy.
My enter button fell off, my spacebar and my n key seem to always be stuck. I never realized how often you actually use the n button. I mean in this whole entry I've used it a total of 36 times. Now for anyone who feels as if it isn't used that often, consider every time I press the n button I have to do it twice because the first try always fails for some reason. Make it 72 times. Thats insane! Ok, I feel like I'm a capable typer, but lately it's been taking me foreverr to type a paragraph due to the fact that this stupid spacebar is stuck as well. And I type fast so if I miss a space inbetween words I keep going, typing another four or five words before I can notice the mistake. Now I think just deleting what I had wrote is actually faster for me than going back, correcting the missing space, and returning to my writing.
Now I don't know how to send my laptop over to Dell without crumbling under the insanity of having no computer for god know's how long. Maybe 2-3 weeks?
I'm in a load of yogurt.
Well getting back to something perhaps more interesting...
I'm missing class right now...
Uh oh.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Chills
Shaking out the old...
Somehow I feel as if I'm left with this naked rat-looking form, sort of hiding itself from a harsh sunlight.
Somehow I feel as if I'm left with this naked rat-looking form, sort of hiding itself from a harsh sunlight.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Becoming faithful...
Or at least the endeavours one takes to reach faith...
My goodness. I finally got a chance to spend time with my old pal Priscilla today. We visted the Honours Cottage, with or without the "u" whatever you like. And I guess the smelling gray couches really inspired me. This is where I wanna be. Short term goal of course but still a goal. I spoke with the " guardian" of the cottage and hopefully I can be accepted into the honors club next semester. The main goal is to receive a B+ or higher grade in ENG101. He also said they require a 3.2 GPA. which is like somewhere between a 90 and 85?
So much for my brilliance.
Well there's no harm in trying... expect the hideous scar on your face after you crash and fail. I did some other things I shouldn't have... like spend money. Uselessly.
Budgeting is so difficult when you're surrounded by wants. Like, wanting a four dollar bowl of chicken noodle soup. Aye... I need to cut back on buying food. And clothes/accessories. I think I have enough of those... I just need to wear the things I buy.
I think completing those two tasks for a while can save me a hundred dollars easy. In two weeks. Nice?
I'll try it.
My goodness. I finally got a chance to spend time with my old pal Priscilla today. We visted the Honours Cottage, with or without the "u" whatever you like. And I guess the smelling gray couches really inspired me. This is where I wanna be. Short term goal of course but still a goal. I spoke with the " guardian" of the cottage and hopefully I can be accepted into the honors club next semester. The main goal is to receive a B+ or higher grade in ENG101. He also said they require a 3.2 GPA. which is like somewhere between a 90 and 85?
So much for my brilliance.
Well there's no harm in trying... expect the hideous scar on your face after you crash and fail. I did some other things I shouldn't have... like spend money. Uselessly.
Budgeting is so difficult when you're surrounded by wants. Like, wanting a four dollar bowl of chicken noodle soup. Aye... I need to cut back on buying food. And clothes/accessories. I think I have enough of those... I just need to wear the things I buy.
I think completing those two tasks for a while can save me a hundred dollars easy. In two weeks. Nice?
I'll try it.
Monday, October 13, 2008
No Nothing.
Nothing can provoke me anymore.
Not work, not school. I'm slowly falling back into the downward spiral of the dark and grim St. Joseph's era. Ah, what shivers that gives me. It's sad to see that just when I see myself slipping away from all responsibility and priorities, I like to push myself further down. It's a problem. I enjoy soaking myself in my miseries.
I should start (once again) a process in which I can forcefully dig myself out. I'm like a limp child I think. I cry and moan and aspire and crawl beneath trenches. I've started writing down some of my petty expenses. And I do curse them all as petty because why should I place dreadful bill ahead of personal pamering? It's all petty shit. If not immediately petty for me, then petty on someone else's behalf.
I've also spent a great deal of time today researching ways in which I can earn some more money. And wallah, I'm here. I kept seeing this crap about blogging to earn money, so I decided wtf why not. Now I'm just writing this entry, waiting for my ad to get approved.
I think I'm going to cancel my interview with kate spade. I was on the phone with that woman for five minutes and she totally turned me off to the idea of working for her.
I'm going to have to find new means of making cash...
I mean I got a job offer for Delias at the Tanger outlets buut I'm still unsure. I wish there was something I could do without clocking into some boring and meaningless job to earn money.
Time to begin research.
Not work, not school. I'm slowly falling back into the downward spiral of the dark and grim St. Joseph's era. Ah, what shivers that gives me. It's sad to see that just when I see myself slipping away from all responsibility and priorities, I like to push myself further down. It's a problem. I enjoy soaking myself in my miseries.
I should start (once again) a process in which I can forcefully dig myself out. I'm like a limp child I think. I cry and moan and aspire and crawl beneath trenches. I've started writing down some of my petty expenses. And I do curse them all as petty because why should I place dreadful bill ahead of personal pamering? It's all petty shit. If not immediately petty for me, then petty on someone else's behalf.
I've also spent a great deal of time today researching ways in which I can earn some more money. And wallah, I'm here. I kept seeing this crap about blogging to earn money, so I decided wtf why not. Now I'm just writing this entry, waiting for my ad to get approved.
I think I'm going to cancel my interview with kate spade. I was on the phone with that woman for five minutes and she totally turned me off to the idea of working for her.
I'm going to have to find new means of making cash...
I mean I got a job offer for Delias at the Tanger outlets buut I'm still unsure. I wish there was something I could do without clocking into some boring and meaningless job to earn money.
Time to begin research.
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