I seem to never get enough of the walk. Treading rather, through the dull, dry air. That's how it's seems life goes most of the time. Not all of the time, to be fair. In it's defense, life is unusually pleasant. Still leaving a faint hint of unfulfillment, as usual. But right now I'm sitting in my boyfriends apartment, wrapped in a blanket, drinking a glass of Plum Wine. Delicious. Now, I could go on about all the negative aspects that are impossible for me to ignore, but I won't. It isn't interesting enough anymore.
Fuck all that shit.
Fuck being upset and bitter and irritated. I hate it. I've learned a lot, thankfully, in my years hiatus from blogging. Or just my absence from self thought and creative processes. I haven't really written anything meaningful in a while, and I've forgotten how much i actually enjoy just sitting down and letting my mind do all the work. It's nice to visually read what your brains thinking. It's different. Much more thorough than just sitting down and contemplating shit. Which has been taking up, well 70% of my time lately. Shit I am horrible at keeping a clear train of though. Which is exactly why I'm doing this again. No more just talking about how much I'm upset with X and how much X would cure X's problems. Fucking so ridiculous.
I do not have the time for this.
I've spent too much time being relaxed and too much time letting myself grow the balls. My mind is too bogged down with all of it's worries and it's misery. I can hardly speak, I had hardly think half of the time. I was never like this before. Sure I've always been shy, and I've come to the conclusion that that's just going to be something I'll learn to work around. But I saw something today. " Make your self, a good one." And when I first saw it, it didn't hit me. But it's starting to now. I think I understand what kind of person I want to be.
Right now I need to work on the stamina of a my brain. Shit. I'm tired.
