One Down, One or Two? to Go.

These are sad times.
I can never get in Spring cleaning when I really need it. It's not even spring but my life is so cluttered that honestly, I'm starting to strangle myself. Everything is everywhere, not speaking of clothes but really everything. Family issues, friends, love, my slightly vagabond cat Puca! Almost too much to handle. Yet perhaps this is just the way things always are in life. No matter how much you really want to make a daily schedule, it never really works out. No matter what you put on a shopping list, you always end up getting more or missing items. I can go on and on with this.
But that would only drag on worse than Dennis Rodman.
Somehow I can't help but think that it's not just life. That maybe I've got something wrong somewhere. That maybe I'm messing up right now. I miss people in my life. I want others to become more apart of my life. I want some people to just go away forever. And yet I wish some would just try a little harder not to. It's difficult. I haven't truly played guitar in days and it's really depressing. I'm searching for the reasons why I just can't find the passion to play.
Could just be stress...
Could be a lot of things. Could be stresses at school, stresses with money and work, stresses with family, stresses with myself. I don't know really. I'm disappointed in myself that I never know. I never ever seem to know.

Settling In.

Thats right. It's eleven in the morning, and I just got in from Adams house. Oh boy. We watched movies after I got off work around 10:30. The Onion Movie and Be Kind Rewind... they were on sale 4 for 20 at Blockbuster. Our favorite place for movies I think. I fell asleep around the end of BKR. It's getting a bit expensive to run around and drive out fifteen miles to a decent movie theatre, spend twenty dollars on food, twenty dollars on two tickets, and see one movie. Taking into consideration that since yesterday gas went up about thirty cents everywhere. Thanks to Theresa's Dad, I knew to fill up tanks before I'd be spending an extra five dollars for the same amount of gas.
This gas epidemic sure is hitting hard. Too bad I don't own a car, nor do I take the keys to the Jeep very often. I believe the last time I took the car for anything was a few months ago. It's lifted the burden of rides a bit in my house... meaning I've had to find my own rides while everyone else sorts out the shared usage of the Jeep. That piece of clunk metal I swear.
I've got a list of things to get started on today, seeing as I'm slowly growing into my student mind-set. Planner in hand and all. Argyle socks... Well anyway, I've got a few chapters to read from Oliver Twist, some basic Pre-Algebra math homework to attend to. I know there's more that I can't think of at this point.

Well go ahead and Work it Out.

I take hits for the team, I do. And I make everyone else's dreams come true. I'm a fire in a pit, and I lure you in with my warmth. Oh god, how I'm sly. I'm more than just a passerby. If you can ever get close enough to really look me in the eye.
I really felt like breaking out for a moment. Today sure does call for it though. I always seem to get caught up in these outburts of misunderstanding. People love to judge one another with no or little background proof.
Today I was walking about of the house after telling my sister I was going to hang out with my friends. Granted I was out earlier around four til seven with Adam. My friends had asked me to hang out, and I don't get to see some of them very often so I decided why not. It is a Saturday, and I don't have work the next day until 12 in the aftertoon anyway. I mean I go to school all week, and I work the weekends. What's the harm in going out with my friends on my downtime?
Apparently I do a lot of harm with that. My grandmother stops me on my way out and starts ranting about how I'm always hanging out, I'm never home, and I'm going to end up in an Abortion clinic. Now... it's very unlike me to retaliate, very unlike me to get angry. But I can't hold back forever. Years and years I've been dealing with the same accusations. The same rantings.
According to some, I should give in and change for the will of my authoritarian overseers. But I lack obedience, for the better. I do not have to deal with all this negative energy every time I want to be a normal teenager. Which I am! What is so hard to believe about going to see a movie with my freinds. Why is it so bad to hang out with one person for a bit, come home eat some dinner and then hang out with some other friends. I'm not going out to sell drugs or bar hop. My friends aren't into those kind of things. Plus it's a little insulting to have your family member who in all reality, knows nothing about you, make up all these things that I'm doing. Telling me that they weren't born yesterday. Perhaps I'm young but I'm not a complete idiot either.
I'm not the kind of girl to just go out get trashed, whore-out, and come home a complete mess. It's a shame she feels like thats how a grandchild of hers is becoming. Either way, she really has no right to pry into my life like she contributes to it at all. She's never offered to help me with anything. Anything at all. The most I will ever get out of her is a roof over my head and food on the table. And thats when she feels like it. Plenty of times I've come downstairs to find there's no more dinner left, or that my whole family has left to go somewhere and never bothered to let me know they were leaving. How dare she call me anything.
I thought this whole drama with my grandmother had disappeared. But of course, it hasn't. It's just been festering it's same foul scent underneath the surface. Perhaps I need to get out. She's threatened to kick me out of the house. And on absolutely no grounds at all. I'm tired of it. I don't want to live with someone who thinks nothing positive about me.