Brilliance couldn't shine over my shadows.
No matter how hard I wish it would. I honestly feel as if summer is coming to a close. A staggering halt rather. And the weather is lagging just a bit behind schedule, making today sky a blue cloudless ocean, the trees slowly sway in the gentle wind. Cool and not too crisp, definitely not suffocating. The grass on even a poorly maintained lawn looks as if it is greener than the pastures of an earlier undisturbed time. Spots of shade, tempting one to just lay in it's embrace and forget the rest of the day. That's summer. That's today.
Too bad my hearts caught in last nights thunderstorm.
Today I'm scheduled to take some cool photos with an old friend. I'm planning on visiting Pilgrim state, then perhaps the lake on Babylon main st. If we find cool spots along the way, then I'll welcome the adventure. I'll welcome it because it seems as if nothing else is welcoming my presence anymore. I'm not exactly wanted. A sort of nullifying experience... one that I can't quite hold to but I know it's holding me back from the happiness I should feel for a day like this.
I'm still in shock.
And I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should reach out and try to make things work, make things happen. Or if my persistence is the exact weight on which my whole suffering is falling from. I'm afraid to do anything. I just need a kind word, and good gesture. Something meaningful. Something that will make me feel okay to breathe. Something that will help me smile and embrace the sun inside of wincing at its blinding light. Shining over all the imperfections of myself.
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