I'd rather my eyes be scratched out.

Than any of this.
I can't handle all the stress. For a nineteen year old with no I.D, no job, no money whatsoever, nothing at all, there's really not much you can do besides be stressed out of your god damn mind. I feel like it's worse now somehow, like I have no where to turn to besides writing in this fuckin blog. I don't have friends. At least I don't have any friends who actually care about shit that I go through without comparing to their simple easy-going lives or talk up a storm about how bad their lives are. There is really no one who can just sit and listen. I have to dish out advice for everyone and when I'm feeling like shit it's literally like they could care less. I have good friends to hang out with, have fun, have some good laughs and good times with. But do I have friends who I can turn to when I'm feeling worn out? Without being scared that they're just gonna talk shit about me behind my back?
I can not begin to fathom the amount of times I've forgiven people for that shit.
I hate finding out when people say shit about me to other people. Shit that I confided in them with. Things that I thought I could trust them with and through all their obligatory nods and " aw I'm sorry" regurtitatences I thought they would be true friends. But those kinds of people don't seem to exist anymore. And I can't lie but it's gotten to me as well. I used to stick up for people, and listen to people, and try to help them genuinely with their situations. Now, hah, I roll my eyes and I give a sarcastic reply. I don't want to hear it. There have been so many times when I've stuck up to people talking shit about my friends and so many times where those same people let anyone talk shit about me whenever. I'm so sick of it. I'm so fucking alone it's ridiculous.
I have nothing and no one.
Shit is hitting the fan now. I'm really realizing this, and accepting it for the first time. I don't think there's a soul out there who actually knows me, and everything about me. No one at all.
Whatever