"Shouldn't you be in class right now?"

Um...yeah.
My god the trenches I let myself fall into. The ditches of which I willingly bury myself within. Knowingly falling into a deep and suffocating hole of dry and crumbling soil because I can't stand the blinding sun shining on the path above it. I spoke of reading maps. Well I may be able to read a map of intent, but my own map seems to be written in more than just Japanese. But in hieroglyphics and cuneiform as well. Some ancient road on which everyone trudges along. And it's so vast that it's hardly recognized as a road, it's so weathered and eroded that it may just look like a landscape, a country, a town.
Your town.
And I am one of the many who have just fallen into the many pits in this town. Some of us call it the unemployed, some say it's a college dropout. I'm so close to being permanently stamped as one of these imbeciles it's scary. I want so much for my life. So much more than people realize. I don't just want complacency. I want success and to reveal in that success. And it hurts when I call a potential employer and they're not impressed. It's so mind-numbingly painful when I miss class. Yes it hurts me. Because I want to be there, and I want to learn, and I want to expand my horizons. Because that's what Undergraduate college is really all about right? But I hold myself back. I must have invisible hands than confine me to the darkness of my bedroom and my own head. Because when I try to make moves and get where I want, I feel physically held down. And I can't seem to understand where the motive is... why I chain myself to failure. Hah, and it's worse because I'm totally aware of the dungeon in which I inhabit. This dungeon of life-long failure. Sometimes it seems as if I'm writing too morbidly for my cause. But it suits.
Everyone likes to ask the same questions.
But why? Is it because they really care about the state I'm in? Are they annoyed with how I could possibly taken them down the trenches with me? All of your good intentions are just sour notes to a beautiful composition. Flowing through my head. I'm stuck in ground right now. It's a tad difficult getting out.